My story begins like most of our stories begin, with the mother. We all had a mother, whether she was known or unknown, whether we had a good relationship with her or not. We have all come from being carried inside a mother, within a woman’s body.
When my mom came of age and began to bleed, she would bleed, and then two weeks later, she would be in pain, and two weeks later, she would bleed again. After some time and investigation in the hospital, they found that she had one kidney and two uteruses.
So when she met my father, they didn’t think she would be able to have children. My dad had had mumps as a teenager (another myth) and thought he would never be able to father a child. And of course, they were both wrong, they conceived my older brother just fine while they were engaged and had to move up the wedding, as was the custom in those days.
He was in a breech position and a large baby, 4 kg at birth. My mother only had half a uterus, and only half of that had muscle tissue. She had an elective Caesarean birth, and they did a lateral incision, not the horizontal incision used nowadays. She wasn’t able to breastfeed him, as she had inverted nipples and a lack of support.
She became pregnant again and lost the baby, it was a miscarriage. She got pregnant once more and was put on bed rest in the hospital. Then they said it was safe for her to go home. She went home (with a stitch in her cervix), but on arriving, still in the car, she could feel the bleeding, could feel that the baby was coming. She returned to the hospital and lost that baby. Just over 20 weeks, this was a stillbirth.
She had another pregnancy, another miscarriage. So much loss, stress, and anxiety. If you have experienced this, you know the pain I speak of.
From all the work I’ve done in my life, I have always been fascinated with pregnancy and birth. Through rebirthing, hypnosis, and my own experiences, I know that I was those three babies, they were all boys and I wanted to be a girl this time.
When my mom fell pregnant with me, they were living in Zambia at the time. A friend recommended a gynae in South Africa. Before she was six weeks pregnant with me, she had a stitch put in her cervix and was put on bed rest. She was also prescribed Valium. Valium is a tranquiliser. If she bled during the day, she would take a quarter of a tranquiliser and lie down. If she bled at night, she would take half a tranquiliser and go to bed.
When I arrived, I weighed only 2.8 kg. As much as she tried to breastfeed me, she was unsuccessful. She tried for six weeks, but at the six-week checkup, I had actually lost weight.
Clients have asked me over the last three decades why I do the work I do. Only after years and years of reflection, exploring, and truly feeling into what this is all about, have I realised that, at a deep cellular level, I know how absolutely, crucially essential it is that pregnant women and mothers feel safe, loved, supported, and nurtured and that they have someone to hold that space for them.
My journey in getting here has made me the woman I am today.
Who I am is someone who holds and guides women’s journeys, allowing them to feel safe in discovering what it means to be held, supported, and loved.
I also know that my deep need for nourishing, beautiful food comes from that early imprinting of not having enough. And so, I always love to nourish people. That’s why, at my pregnancy retreats, I always cook for the women, because I know, so deeply, how important it is for people to feel the love that comes through food.
This is why I love women so much and why I feel it’s so important that they get the support they need, whether it’s in pregnancy, stepping into motherhood, navigating postpartum, or moving through all the seasons of a woman’s life.
I am so deeply grateful and feel so blessed to have journeyed with so many different women and mothers. No two stories have been the same. Each journey is unique.
And I carry all these stories in my heart, the sad stories, the exhilarating stories, the stories of who we are.
love always
Theoni
P.s. This picture is of my mom and I