Eighteen years of being a mother has taught me more than I could ever put into words. Each stage has brought its own joys, challenges, and lessons. Some were gentle, others cracked me wide open. All of them shaped me.
Here are a few of the big ones, I would love to share with you.
The Art of Surrender
The very first lesson came in labour. I had dreamt of a homebirth, and supported 100’s of women before I became pregnant, but it wasn’t to be. Instead, I found myself facing the one thing I feared most, major abdominal surgery. My body had to be cut open to bring my baby safely into the world, willingly.
It was not what I planned. It was not what I wanted. It was what I feared. And yet, it taught me the art of surrender. To let go, to trust the process, and to discover that I was stronger than I imagined. It also gave me the knowing and understanding to support women who have experiences they didn’t plan for.
Sometimes the very thing we fear most is what comes to meet us not to break us, but to show us that we can.
Listening More, Speaking Less
One of the most valuable lessons I’ve learnt is the power of listening. At some point I started asking: “Do you want my advice, or do you just want me to listen?”
It’s such a simple question, but it changes everything. Children don’t always need input. Sometimes they just need to feel heard.
Letting Them Be Who They Are
From the time they first wanted to tie his shoelaces or dress himself (while we’re in a rush to get out the door!), to choose hobbies or sports, I’ve learnt to let him try.
It can be inconvenient. It can be messy. But it’s how they figure out who they are. Our role isn’t to control, but to create space for discovery, for them to be who they need to be in this everchanging world.
Building Support Systems
For a few years, I was a single parent. It was hard to ask for help, but necessary. Letting my child spend time with friends, or godparents not only gave me space to work, but also gave him the chance to build relationships beyond me.
That web of connection has been such a gift, to each of us.
Respecting Bodies and Boundaries
One lesson I’ve held close: teaching children that their bodies are their own.
We used proper names for body parts. And if my child didn’t want to hug, kiss, or say thank you, that was his choice, and I respected it. No forcing. No guilt.
Learning to honour their bodies and boundaries from the start is one of the greatest gifts we can give them.
Trusting the Deeper Connection
I believe our children choose us. That each one comes with their own lessons for us to learn. I recall creating a small ritual to call in the child, to choose me, to choose each other.
I was blessed with one child, one miracle, and I’m forever grateful. Every step of the way has required surrender, trust, and growth.
Parenting as a Mirror
Here’s something fascinating I’ve noticed, both in my own life and in my work with clients: often, what a child is going through mirrors something from your own childhood.
When he hits a difficult stage, I often ask myself: What was happening for me at this age? And so often, the pieces connect.
Parenting becomes an invitation to repair and heal parts of ourselves we didn’t even know still needed love. It is the process of re parenting ourselves and meeting our needs that weren’t met when we were that age or situation.
Compassion and Grace
Whether they’re learning to dress themselves, struggling with maths, or navigating the storm of teenage years, I’ve learnt to show compassion. To him, and to myself, which can often be the hardest.
Teenagers especially need grace. And honestly, I often ask myself: Would I want to be 14 again in today’s world? The answer is always no. The world they’re growing up in is not the one we knew. Compassion matters more than ever now.
Normalising What’s Natural
Co-sleeping. Breastfeeding. Closeness. These are not strange or indulgent; they are natural. We are afterall mammals. You don’t see mommy and daddy monkeys saying to their babies, we sleep in this tree, you sleep in that tree.
I don’t know any 18-year-old who still breastfeeds or sleeps in their parents’ bed. Children grow into independence at their own pace. Sometimes they need encouragement, sometimes they find their way on their own.
Conscious parenting is about meeting them where they are.
Meeting Them Where They Are
Some children need more closeness, others crave independence sooner. The real question is: How do I meet myself while I meet my child?
That has been my anchor. To show up for him, but also to stay aware of what’s present in me.
A Mother’s Ever-Present Awareness
And perhaps the most enduring lesson: a mother never stops being tuned in.
Whether they’re toddlers or teenagers, if my child coughs in the night, I wake. That deep, instinctive awareness never leaves.
Because that’s what mothers do, it is who we are.