August 9 is celebrated annually as National Women’s Day in South Africa.
But do you know where it all began?
On 9 August 1956, more than 20,000 women marched to the Union Buildings in Pretoria to protest the apartheid government’s pass laws, laws that restricted the movement of Black women.
The march was organised by the Federation of South African Women (FEDSAW) and led by four remarkable women: Lilian Ngoyi, Helen Joseph, Rahima Moosa and Sophia Williams-De Bruyn.
These women stood together.
They stood for freedom, dignity and the right to move freely and live with greater freedom and equality.
And they changed something.
More than a public holiday
This month, Women’s Day is a public holiday. But perhaps it can also be a day to pause and remember the women who came before us.
The women who spoke up, the women who resisted, the women who carried families, communities and movements. The women who made choices that changed what was possible for the women who came after them.
And perhaps, in our own lives, there is another kind of remembering we are being invited into.
To honour the woman you are.
Not the woman you think you should be. Not the woman everyone else needs you to be. Not the woman shaped entirely by expectations, roles and conditioning.
But the woman underneath all of that.
The woman who is still there.
The woman who is learning to choose herself.
Who taught you what it means to be a woman?
Each of us was raised by women in some way. Our mothers, step-mothers, adoptive mothers, grannies, nannies, aunts and the women in our families and communities.
And whether we realise it or not, we absorbed something from the women we witnessed.
Perhaps you learnt that a woman is strong. Perhaps you learnt that she puts everyone else first, that she doesn’t complain, that she holds everything together, that she doesn’t ask for help, or that being a good woman means being needed.
Perhaps you learnt that femininity is softness, or sacrifice, or independence, or achievement, or keeping everyone happy.
Some of these things may be beautiful gifts.
Others may be beliefs you are now ready to question.
What does being a woman mean to you?
This is something I find myself returning to again and again.
Because becoming a woman isn’t something that happens once.
We move through so many seasons. Daughter. Partner. Mother. Professional. Caregiver. Leader. Empty nester. Woman entering midlife. Woman beginning again.
And with every season, we have an opportunity to ask:
Who am I now?
Not who was I? Not who should I be?
But who am I becoming?
What have you inherited?
Take a moment today to think about the women you witnessed growing up.
What qualities did you admire? What did you learn from them? What did you inherit that you want to carry forward?
And what did you inherit that you are ready to put down?
Perhaps there are patterns that have travelled through generations without ever being questioned.
The way women care for everyone before themselves. The way they make themselves smaller. The way they stay quiet. The way they keep going, even when they are exhausted. The way they become everything for everyone else and slowly lose connection with themselves.
We don’t have to reject the women who came before us to choose something different.
We can honour them.
And still choose differently.
A little Women’s Day pause
So this month, rather than simply celebrating Women’s Day, take a few moments to meet yourself.
Place a hand on your heart. Take a slow breath in, and slowly breathe out.
Then ask yourself:
What does being a woman mean to me?
What part of myself am I learning to honour?
Where am I making myself smaller?
What would it look like if I chose my heart?
And then, perhaps the simplest question of all:
What does the woman inside me need to know?
Don’t rush to answer.
Listen.
Not to the noise in your head.
Listen underneath it.
There may be something you already know. Something your body has been quietly telling you. Something your heart has been waiting for you to hear.
Coming home to yourself
For me, this is part of what womanhood is about.
Not becoming someone else. Not fixing yourself. Not trying to finally get it all right.
But remembering.
Remembering who you are underneath the roles. Coming back into your body. Listening to your own wisdom. Learning to trust yourself.
And choosing, perhaps little by little, to live from a place that feels more like you.
The women who marched in 1956 could not have known exactly what their courage would make possible for the women who came after them.
And we cannot know what our choices today will make possible for the women who come after us.
So perhaps this Women’s Day, we honour both.
The women who came before us.
And the woman we are becoming.
Happy Women’s Day.
May you remember her.
May you listen to her.
And may you give her a little more space to be who she truly is. If this reflection speaks to you, I invite you to join me at The Pause (for women) or Nurture Circle (for pregnant and postpartum mother and their babies until crawling age), spaces to slow down, connect, be witnessed, and come home to yourself, alongside other women.
And thank you for being here, and taking the time to reflect on yourself, my door is always open.
Love
Theoni
P.S. this picture is from Ecuador 2024, with women from USA, Canada, Ecuador and me from South Africa.