For the woman who has forgotten what it feels like to slow down.
Last Saturday a beautiful client reminded me that “you always help me come back home to myself” at the monthly The Pause women’s circle I host. I found gratitude and inspiration for the reminder.
When was the last time you really paused?
Not the kind of pause where you scroll your phone for five minutes before getting on with the next thing.
Not the pause where you make yourself a cup of tea while answering messages, organising the children, or thinking about everything you still need to do.
A real pause.
A moment where you stop doing.
Stop fixing.
Stop anticipating.
And simply come back to yourself.
I think many women have forgotten what this feels like. We become very good at being needed. At remembering. Organising. Caring. Anticipating. Holding space for everyone else. And somewhere along the way, we can lose touch with the woman underneath all the doing.
The good news is that coming back to yourself doesn’t necessarily require a weekend away, a silent retreat or a complete life overhaul.
Sometimes it begins with a few seconds.
A tiny moment of awareness.
A softening.
A breath.
A hand on your heart.
Here are five tiny ways you can begin.
1. Unclench
Notice your jaw.
Your shoulders.
Your hands.
Are you holding tension somewhere without even realising it?
We often carry more than we need to, even in moments when nothing is actually required of us.
Soften your jaw.
Drop your shoulders.
Uncurl your hands.
Take a breath.
You don’t have to fix anything.
Simply notice.
Sometimes a few seconds of consciously releasing tension is enough to interrupt the momentum of the day and remind your body that it can soften.
2. Place a hand on your heart… or your womb
Close your eyes, if that feels comfortable.
Place one hand over your heart or your womb.
Take one slow breath.
And ask yourself:
How am I, really?
Not the answer you would give when someone asks you in passing.
Not “I’m fine.”
Not the version that keeps everyone else comfortable.
What is actually here?
Perhaps you are tired.
Perhaps you are angry.
Perhaps you need space.
Perhaps you feel completely content.
There is no right answer.
The practice is simply learning to listen.
Because often we don’t need another person to tell us what we need.
We need enough quiet to hear ourselves.
3. Before you answer… arrive
How often do you say yes before you’ve even checked in with yourself?
Yes to helping.
Yes to another commitment.
Yes to solving someone else’s problem.
Yes, even when every part of you is saying, I don’t have the capacity for this.
The next time someone asks something of you, try creating a little space before you respond.
Feel your feet on the ground.
Take a breath.
Notice what happens inside you.
Then answer.
This tiny pause can create a little distance between pressure and response.
And in that space, you may find a choice.
You can respond from the woman you are, rather than from the woman everyone needs you to be.
4. Breathe like you mean it
Your breath is always with you.
You don’t need equipment.
You don’t need an hour.
You don’t even need to leave the room.
Try this now.
Take one slow inhale.
Then make your exhale a little longer.
Again.
And once more.
There is something powerful about consciously slowing the breath.
It gives you a moment to stop.
To feel.
To arrive.
A simple message to your body:
You can soften now.
And sometimes that is all we need to begin.
5. Lift your heart
Sometimes the way we hold our body reflects the way we are moving through our lives.
Notice your posture.
Are your arms crossed?
Are your shoulders rounded forward?
Is your chest collapsed?
Without forcing anything, uncross your arms.
Relax your shoulders.
Lengthen your spine.
Lift your heart.
Imagine gently opening towards the world. Not in a way that asks you to be more or give more. But as a physical reminder that you are here.
You are alive.
You are allowed to take up space.
And you are allowed to receive.
The practice isn’t about doing more
This is perhaps the most important part.
I don’t want these five things to become another list of things you should be doing.
Another wellness routine to perfect.
Another box to tick.
They are invitations.
Tiny doorways back to yourself. Because sometimes we wait for life to give us permission to slow down. We wait until the work is finished, the children are settled, the house is organised and everyone else is okay, and then we will rest.
But there will always be something else.
So what if you didn’t wait?
What if you gave yourself permission to pause before life forces you to?
What if coming home to yourself became something you practised in tiny moments throughout the day?
A hand on your heart.
A breath before you answer.
A softened jaw.
A moment of noticing.
A decision to listen inward before automatically saying yes.
These moments may seem small.
But over time, they can change the relationship you have with yourself.
And you don’t have to do it alone
There is something different about pausing in the presence of other women.
About being in a space where you don’t have to perform.
Where you don’t have to have the answers.
Where you can arrive exactly as you are.
This is why The Pause exists.
It is a monthly circle for women to step out of the doing for a little while.
To slow down.
To be witnessed.
To reconnect with themselves.
To listen inward.
To receive.
To remember that they don’t have to carry everything alone.
And perhaps that is what so many of us need more of.
Not another thing to achieve.
But somewhere we can simply be.
You are always welcome, to connect and join a circle.
Theoni
P.S. I would love to know how I have helped you. What did I make you feel more of?