Loss is something we don’t like to talk about or entertain, it can be uncomfortable and it’s painful.
I like to keep my blogs and newsletter relevant and authentic, however, and in the last few weeks of June, I have journeyed alongside many women experiencing loss. I have supported, guided and held women in all forms of loss in the past. However, the last few weeks have felt more intense somehow, perhaps due to reflecting on my own losses that have not been fully dealt with.
We have all experiences loss at one time or another, depending on the loss it can be disappointing, sore, uncomfortable, painful, heart breaking, or all of the above.
What is the reason we experience loss? Why can I not conceive a baby on my own? Why did my baby not turn head down, and I had to have a caesarean birth I did not want? Why is my marriage not how I imagined it would be? Why was my baby born with something we never knew anything about, not able to test beforehand? Why did I experience a miscarriage? Why did I lose my baby?
We are all unique and our experiences are unique, yet we can empathise with one another and get a sense of how that could feel and be for someone who has experienced any of the above.
A few things I have learnt along the way that may be helpful if you are journeying through a loss yourself:
Move towards the feeling you are experiencing, lean into it, be fully present to the emotions that are coming up within you. Often our initial response is to get away from it, change it think of something else, go eat something, not so? At first it is important to feel it, and feel the sensations in your body as the emotions arise.
Emotions are energy in motion, they need to do what they need to do, they need to run their course. Think about when you get a fright, just a small one, how the body and mind need to reassure you and then perhaps you breathe, relax your shoulders and know its all ok.
Welcome support, allow yourself to receive the support for friends, family and whoever is supportive for you. We function best when we work together and support each other. Seek support from a professional like me when you feel that you need more support and perhaps perceptive than friends and family can offer you. Reach out and ask for support.
Most bodywork is also supportive in dealing with any loss, as a loss can most often than not be a trauma to your body, and body stores these traumas. I love the way kahuna massage and craniosacral therapy are able to support my body and the women who come to me. Receive bodywork.
Living with Aloha. Aloha is a Hawaiian greeting and it is one of the seven Kahuna principles. Aloha means to love is to be happy with, so be happy. Aloha is loving whatever is happening in the moment. Even if you are judging or evaluating it as bad etc love it too, as it all has its place. Love what is.
Gratitude, goes a long way. It is a beautiful practice and it is life changing. Begin with 3 things you are grateful for at the end of your day, before you go to sleep as the subconscious is more open at that time of day. Write them down, not in a fancy book, any book will do. The next day perhaps a few more, and then more, and more. Until it becomes a habit, and you train a new pathway in the brain.
Having a mantra that you can bring yourself back to. A few that work for me are “when I do my best, God (universe, divine) does the rest” I also know that my best is different on different days, and so I give myself a break. Another mantra (a word or phrase that keeps the mind focused) is “Somehow things work out” knowing and trusting that somehow things do workout the way they need to. Most often not the way we wanted or imagined, and they work out.
Choosing to be kind, kind to your partner, to your children, your parents and kind to yourself. Choose to be kind.